Leacy110...

Leacy110184: Happy Easter!kubs232: thanks you tooLeacy110184: how's your day been?kubs232: just finekubs232: yoursLeacy110184: it's been okay. i'm sick so i havnt eaten anything good or done anythign good, just slept really.kubs232: thats no goodLeacy110184: nope it's not. so u guys still do an easter egg hunt?kubs232: fuck yeaLeacy110184: lol with the three of you?kubs232: there were 5 of uskubs232: my sister brought people frm collegeLeacy110184: thats coolLeacy110184: my mom asked my sister and i if we wanted to do one today while we were coloring eggs last night but we said no, it was just the two of us this yearLeacy110184: okay well I;'ve gotta go eat dinnerLeacy110184: so byekubs232: bye...hold on i am talking to him again...

"he's a focker"-Jared

Leacy110184: hey, questionkubs232: yea?Leacy110184: was this like directed towards me or something? "but some things cant be fixedand whats the use of something brokenmost people would tend to throw it awayand i suppose me in my "mature" staturetried to throw the broken awaybut then what do you doif something irreplacable is brokenand cant be fixed?" kubs232: nopekubs232: it was notLeacy110184: okayLeacy110184: just checkingkubs232: yeaLeacy110184: john's on tv tonight by the waykubs232: what show?Leacy110184: he's on MTV (ugh) some special on culumbia records its on at 1am thoughkubs232: ill watch itLeacy110184: yeah i think I am going to tooLeacy110184: i;m pretty tired though, dont know if i will be able to stay awake i got up soo early this morningkubs232: ive been getting up early every damn morningLeacy110184: why?kubs232: for tennisLeacy110184: that sucks, what time do u need to be up for that for?kubs232: i get up at 5 every morningkubs232: monday thru saturdayLeacy110184: damn dave, that sucks alot.kubs232: yeakubs232: oh wellLeacy110184: why do they make you guys do b4 school practice?kubs232: we do before and afterLeacy110184: thats nutz, even the sports at my school aren;t that ruggedkubs232: all of them are like thathereLeacy110184: pre season sucks, for that I am up at 6, but i guess thats not as bad as 5kubs232: or the good ones at leastLeacy110184: the girls have harder practices than the guys here, and we win more championships and yet we have to buy all our own stuff when the guys get funded for it. so its kinda messed upkubs232: prolly cause guys bring in more moneyLeacy110184: our games are free though, it's just our school is screwed up and favors the boys, although girls get away with murder at our school. so maybe in someway it evens itself outLeacy110184: but you are right, more people attend the boys games than the girlskubs232: yeaLeacy110184: oh yeah some lady today refered to me to someone else as, :"this little girl" kubs232: niceLeacy110184: i was like...ahh 6 more months and i will be an adult for crying out loud! but its odd some people think i am like 18 or 19 and other's obvisouly don't.kubs232: that is roughLeacy110184: i had a dream and i remember nothing about it except for one part and u were in that one part it was real random tookubs232: that is coolkubs232: thoughLeacy110184: yeah it was odd, like i was sitting on this stair case in some house and you walk by and like we must have been talking about something, i asked you something and you're liek "oh i will say something about m2M for you" or something like thatkubs232: nicekubs232: sounds goodLeacy110184: its been a real odd past few weeks for dreams and not just for me, like i had that one dream about me being in ohio but my friends who know nothing about that dream have had dreams abotu me being in ohio, i swear i;'m not making it up, so like..its just all been real strangekubs232: sounds like itLeacy110184: i'm pretty bummed out, i don't sing at all by myself in the playkubs232: that is definitely a shamekubs232: a travesty if you willLeacy110184: hey hey is that mocking i hear..well it is pretty crappy b/c i love singing and they have girls singing solo lines who i can sing better than so i am pretty madkubs232: that is too bad thenLeacy110184: how r u as a thespien? you have any interest in theater?kubs232: none at allLeacy110184: i love it. it sucks though b/.c like none of my friends doLeacy110184: but its okay b/c i still have funkubs232: i can't blame themLeacy110184: theater is so great it's such a rush being up there on stagekubs232: its just not a lot of peoples thingLeacy110184: and i respect itLeacy110184: i almost got gina to try out but then she heard it was a musical and said screw itkubs232: well that is good for youkubs232: but other people nahLeacy110184: yeah some people like things liek sports, even though i like those tookubs232: rightLeacy110184: i wish my school had like a debate team or somethingkubs232: yeaLeacy110184: u dont do anything besides tennis?kubs232: im in campus ministrykubs232: i used to be on quiz bowlkubs232: im in service clubLeacy110184: lol quiz bowl..oh u geekkubs232: quiz bowl is sweetLeacy110184: man, i know the kids on quiz bowl...seriously...just..u dork lolLeacy110184: what do u do for campus ministry?kubs232: alright your gaykubs232: but in any casekubs232: i also run our school audio visual shitkubs232: i set up masseskubs232: i do mission work through itLeacy110184: lord lets just sew a scarlet G on your chest dave lolLeacy110184: thats coolkubs232: you are way to caught up on what's coolkubs232: and what's considered to be dorkyLeacy110184: dave i am just playingLeacy110184: i do dorky thingskubs232: yea but you always did this kinda sutffkubs232: it always bothered meLeacy110184: i never meant it for realkubs232: im not just talking about htiskubs232: i mean i just don't carekubs232: no one here doeskubs232: i was on the chess team my first yearkubs232: who cares it doesn't matterLeacy110184: no one here really cares either lolLeacy110184: i mean its not my fault that i like theater and apparently thats "cool"Leacy110184: we dont have enough activites at our school for it to be like cool or dorkykubs232: who cares either waykubs232: nothing is cool and nothing is dorkykubs232: you do want you wantkubs232: and thats all that mattersLeacy110184: i know, thats why i am on newspaperLeacy110184: b/c i like itkubs232: well greatLeacy110184: but way to rage out on me anywaykubs232: that kinda stuff really pisses me offLeacy110184: i was just poking fun at you dave, in a nice way, i mean if i could do math and didnt hate the quiz bowl lady who runs it then i would actually consider bein gin it, and hell i wish i knew how to play chess, but u know..i dont care either way about like what people doLeacy110184: i wasnt actually being serious like if we went to the same school and u did that stuff i wouldn tbe like oh hey look at that kid he must be a dorkkubs232: i don't care either wayLeacy110184: yeah..well..i;'m not quite sure where that burst of emotion came from you...i mean...we;ve said alot worst thing to each otherkubs232: its cause i dont' care nemorekubs232: and when shit bothers mekubs232: im gonna say sokubs232: before i didn;tkubs232: but i will nowLeacy110184: i didnt even know it bothered ukubs232: a lot of stuff used to but i didn't ever feel like fighting shitkubs232: but i have no patience right nowkubs232: and so if soemthign is said i don't likekubs232: i say somethign about itkubs232: im too tiredkubs232: i have too much shit goingonLeacy110184: okay..well..sorry i didnt knwo i wasnt allowed to make fun of u anymoreLeacy110184: but anywaysLeacy110184: there is actually something that i felt like talking to you aboutkubs232: what is thatLeacy110184: this whole thing with the Catholic church right now and all the preists molesting childrenLeacy110184: like its really bugging me how hard everyon eis coming down on the church, and it pisses me off how people say "the church" well no..thats not right, just certain individualskubs232: oh godkubs232: im not talking about thiskubs232: peopelkubs232: talk alot about tihsLeacy110184: people have been giving me shit about itkubs232: and it is stupidkubs232: thjey are making a big deal cause its catholic priestsLeacy110184: just cuz i am catholicLeacy110184: i knowkubs232: it happenes everywhere elseLeacy110184: thats what i am sayingkubs232: so oh wellLeacy110184: there r tons of other pedophilesLeacy110184: what do u think about the oath of celibacy?kubs232: i dont' konwLeacy110184: yeah i have mixed veiws, but i guess if u r gonna molest little children u r gonna do it regardless of whether u r having sex with your wife or notkubs232: uh huhLeacy110184: where r john's tattoos?kubs232: don't knowLeacy110184: johns cool, i agree with some much that he saysLeacy110184: *so muchkubs232: yeaLeacy110184: i like that hes a good boy tooLeacy110184: and he likes milk, it cant get much better than thatkubs232: i guess nokubs232: notLeacy110184: r u going to go see howie when he plays that thing at miami college?kubs232: yeakubs232: and at ann arbor tooLeacy110184: man u r so lucky that your parents let u travel that far from home with no adult supervisionkubs232: i guess sokubs232: i am 18 nowkubs232: i can do what i want for the most partLeacy110184: thats true but even when u werentLeacy110184: your parents were gonna let u go see jm in ann arborkubs232: thats cause i was always real responsibleLeacy110184: i'm responsible but my mother is a nutkubs232: they let me go basically newherekubs232: i never ever get into troublekubs232: nor am i ever latekubs232: and they know the kids i hang out withkubs232: so thye dont careLeacy110184: i've never got into trouble, my mom just thinks nyc is crawling with liek killerskubs232: my parents were like thatkubs232: but i had a long talk with themkubs232: about how i want to live my lifekubs232: and be able to do what i wantkubs232: and not orrykubs232: cause when you worrykubs232: then you miss out on shitkubs232: and from thenkubs232: they haven't troubled me about that kinda stuiffLeacy110184: i was talking to my mom in the car about letting me go see tami at school over break and i think she was finaly breaking downLeacy110184: i just need to get out there once and come back unharmed that way she lets me go see howiekubs232: yeaLeacy110184: your parents wouldnt let u go anywhere though, they didnt want u coming to ny rememberkubs232: ye ai can nowkubs232: i just have ot wait till after seasonkubs232: cause im driving to st louikubs232: louiskubs232: then im driving to bostonLeacy110184: but would u still want to?kubs232: i dont knowLeacy110184: lord st louiskubs232: hadn't thought abou titkubs232: i have friendsthereLeacy110184: who r u going to see in boston? thats a very long way from herekubs232: im going with lucaskubs232: to chill therekubs232: with some friendskubs232: then im going to maine with ted during summerLeacy110184: main is freezing even during summerLeacy110184: dont expect to swim until mid julykubs232: its a cool place thoughkubs232: i don't careLeacy110184: but boston is pretty coolkubs232: im not going to julykubs232: err till julyLeacy110184: whats with this new found freedom your parent shave given u? is it just b/c u turned 18?kubs232: and we want to go to new york tookubs232: no my crew is roadtrippingkubs232: hitting a bunch of placesLeacy110184: well thats always coolkubs232: for two or 3 weeks during the summerkubs232: just going to a bunch of placesLeacy110184: man i don't think i would like to know what would happen if my friends and i went road tripping lolkubs232: im only going with 4 peoplekubs232: at most 6Leacy110184: i think i would have alot of fun but my friends r crazyLeacy110184: we'd get lost!kubs232: that's too badkubs232: traveling is easyLeacy110184: well for boysLeacy110184: girls take directiosn better when it involves landmarks and stuffkubs232: that's too bad thenkubs232: its not just gonan be dudes thoughLeacy110184: yeah and the thing is i wouldnt even trust any of the guys i know to do it eitherkubs232: i trust who we are going with better then i trust myselfLeacy110184: hmm i honestly cant think of anyone who i think would be able to travel well...maybe tami...but..i cant think of a single guy who could do the job without screwing it upkubs232: thats too badkubs232: we drove to chicago last weekednkubs232: for the fuck of itkubs232: it was sweetLeacy110184: how long away is chicago?kubs232: 6 hourskubs232: 5 maybekubs232: i dont' rememberLeacy110184: yeah there have been some random road trips hereLeacy110184: not too many thoughLeacy110184: and not real long ones eitherLeacy110184: but its okkubs232: yea\Leacy110184: the senior boys from last year were just real big on taking random sper of the moment road trips to the city and back, but thats only a 2 hour trip so not like a real road tripLeacy110184: but see, noo one in new york knows how to drive so road trips arent a very good ideaLeacy110184: thanks for saying good bye!Auto response from kubs232: laying down like a dogg...leave one...and if i see it...or feel like it...ill get back to you...thankssoo..not sure what to make of it all....

say it ain't so....

okay so I am talking to dave and I get in like one word and then he's like I have to go to practice and this is what his away message says now, "Auto response from kubs232: im gonna be at tennis for a little bit...then im gonna come home to eat with the whole mess of our family...leave me a message...and we will chill tonight...call me at 536-0585..."but some things cant be fixedand whats the use of something brokenmost people would tend to throw it awayand i suppose me in my "mature" staturetried to throw the broken awaybut then what do you doif something irreplacable is brokenand cant be fixed?" " I sooo think that that is directed at me. i will have to ask him latter, if it is then that's pretty low of him. God sometimes i love him and sometimes I want to slap him. ughh boys!!!

"there is nothing between Brittany and I" (!!!!!!!!!!)

Leacy110184: hey i need to ask you some questions about some classeskubs232: okLeacy110184: alright, physics...is it really hard? and have to do with alot of math?kubs232: physics is easy for mekubs232: cause of mathkubs232: but it can be madekubs232: depends if it is conceptualLeacy110184: is there alot of mathmatics involved in it?kubs232: yea there can beLeacy110184: hmm..i dunno if i wanna take it next year, i want an extra year of science since it looks good...now what about computer math, that's like programing right? how dificult is that?kubs232: it dependskubs232: are you real good at solving problemskubs232: if you aren'tkubs232: don't take itLeacy110184: anything with math i hate and i probably wont be able to do if it's hard.kubs232: it is hardkubs232: i think soLeacy110184: and the only other math to take is pre calc, which there is no way in hell i am gonna takekubs232: even though that is what im doingkubs232: that is easyLeacy110184: well lord if you think it is hard there is no hope for meLeacy110184: haha oh boy, calc easykubs232: no pre calc is easykubs232: calc is hardkubs232: they are alot differentLeacy110184: well it is harder than seq III i imagine, seq III is like your algebra II like trigkubs232: i don't kowkubs232: its like the same thingLeacy110184: well screw that, i hate all that sin cos tan crapLeacy110184: i dunno, i guess it dosnt matter to much since i am not going to be doing anything like ukubs232: yeaLeacy110184: oh yeah, your college keeps sending me like a million freaking thingskubs232: niceLeacy110184: its weird i never filled out any of those things for the sats and stuff for ohio, i just put i want colleges in new englandkubs232: yeaLeacy110184: my mom is like anti the college i wanna go to, it suckskubs232: too badLeacy110184: yeah. so u guys have snow?kubs232: yeaLeacy110184: oh u suck. eastern new york has been pretty fake this winter..it sucks...i didnt think u guys like got snow in ohiokubs232: i don't want snowkubs232: i hate itLeacy110184: it looks sooo prettykubs232: its gay thoughLeacy110184: hmm homosexual snow...i dunno what kinda snow u have in ohio lol...i like it when i dont have to walk in it or when it isnt all melty and slushykubs232: alrightLeacy110184: last time it snowed we had gym class and some of us were in the weight room and someone got the bright idea of hey lets open up the big doors the lead to the back feild so we all went out there to go see the snow an dour teacher locked us out!Leacy110184: it was pretty funny actuallyLeacy110184: hey i thought of something i could do to help your bandkubs232: huh?Leacy110184: if u give me your guys' demo i can get it to Christopher Sabec (hanson's manager/dmb's old manager) next time hanson plays new yorkkubs232: that would be coolLeacy110184: my friend jessie become friends with him and now she gets back stage passes and free tix everytime they play nykubs232: i mean i don't have high expectations about music nemoreLeacy110184: but you love itLeacy110184: you've got to trykubs232: i will tryLeacy110184: thats good at least. i mean dont give it up, you've been playing for like 2 1/2 years nowkubs232: yea i konwkubs232: im not giving upkubs232: im just not expecting nething nemorekubs232: for a whilekubs232: io was sure we would be bigLeacy110184: you could be, it'll just take time, promotion, and major sacraficekubs232: yeaLeacy110184: i dunno, i still sorta have that elementary school mentality that if you want something enough and try hard enough u can get it, i guess its a kinda good and bad thing thoughkubs232: yeaLeacy110184: oh hold on a sec i am gonna show u something...Leacy110184: 16. John, what, in your opinion, is the best movie quote of all movie quotes??It?s our time down here. Up there it?s their time. Down here it?s Our time. And that?s all over once we ride up on Troy?s bucket.? ? Young Sean Austin, Goonies, Circa 1985. look goonies!! thats so sad david..u gotta see that movie oneday, even if its not with mekubs232: eh wahteverkubs232: im not too interestedLeacy110184: it's the greatest movie of the 80'sLeacy110184: its like the pinnicle of its timekubs232: yeaLeacy110184: oh yeah that was a Jm quote..just incase u didnt get thatkubs232: yeakubs232: i knew thatLeacy110184: though hes wrong..thats not goonies best quote..at all.kubs232: okLeacy110184: whats wrong?kubs232: nothingkubs232: just writing some businessLeacy110184: ohh..ok...i dunno i just felt like i was being like..given the shaftLeacy110184: ok i need boy advicekubs232: okLeacy110184: if a boy who was your ex liek hans ttalked to u in forever, and then suddenly shows up and asking for your number and e-mail and shit..what dose that mean? like that he likes you?Leacy110184: oh and he and his g/f broke upkubs232: i have no ideakubs232: to be honestkubs232: guys are strangekubs232: he mightkubs232: but i don tknowLeacy110184: haha oh i know boys r strangeLeacy110184: i dont know either..its michaelLeacy110184: his parents r getting a divorce so..i dunno what he wantskubs232: nicekubs232: i don; tknowLeacy110184: it's so fucked up, guys always want me when they r downLeacy110184: like, everyone wants me to be their own personal cheerleaderLeacy110184: even youkubs232: i didn;t want you to bea personal cheerleaderLeacy110184: but look at it, you were all heart broken about celinaLeacy110184: and you always liked me most when u were down, everyone doseLeacy110184: even people who i dont get along withkubs232: well whateverkubs232: i don; tknowLeacy110184: liek this girl, when her grandma died she calls me up crying, not her best friends or anyone, but MELeacy110184: and her and i were like enemiesLeacy110184: i mean i don't mind being there for people, i think it;s nice...but like...i feel jippedkubs232: yeaLeacy110184: i dunno, i guess i am just a little pissed off with michael thinking he can just walk right back into my life..that would be like celina trying to walk back into yours as if nothing happenedkubs232: she didLeacy110184: yeah, and it irritated u didnt it?kubs232: at firstkubs232: not nemoreLeacy110184: i sorta feel bad for her, i mean she loved you.kubs232: we talk a lot nowkubs232: like every nightLeacy110184: thats good then, b/c i was really feeling bad for her since i was kinda on her end of the stickkubs232: okLeacy110184: do u think shes angry about brittany?kubs232: there isn't nething between brittany and ikubs232: we are good friendskubs232: we were better that wayLeacy110184: ohh...i thought u like dumped me for herkubs232: no we are just good friendskubs232: it got weirdkubs232: and we both agreedkubs232: it was no goodLeacy110184: i;ve been through that with a few peoplekubs232: yeaLeacy110184: i have been through that with peter like a million timeskubs232: yeaLeacy110184: r u gonna get back with celina u think?kubs232: i don't knowkubs232: prolly notLeacy110184: we'll i;m glad you're talking to her, she seemed from what u told me like she could use u in her life againLeacy110184: just all that shit with her momkubs232: yeaLeacy110184: i guess both of u r going through weird things in our love lives right nowLeacy110184: like the ex who screwed us over wanting friendship againkubs232: nah not reallyLeacy110184: and then other stuffkubs232: im not finiding it weirdLeacy110184: well i know i amLeacy110184: well maybe weird was the wrong word, but i've had ALOT thrown at me recentlykubs232: yeaLeacy110184: like the whole u thing, and then this whole thing with boy named jared who like..some how asked me out and i said an unofficial yes..liek i said i would try it out with him but..i dunno if i want to anymore or if i ever really did and then the whole michael thingkubs232: yeakubs232: interestingLeacy110184: yeah, but i welcome it, i swear i do deal with alot of crap but i wouldnt give it up for anything, i will never have to make anything up for my tv shows plot...i just base it on real shitLeacy110184: liek i wrote one episode already and so far everyone i've showed it too really liked it..especialy the people i portrayed lolLeacy110184: omg i had i real weird dream about ohio!!!!kubs232: okLeacy110184: wanna hear it?kubs232: okLeacy110184: okay give me a sec to type it out....kubs232: okLeacy110184: Leacy110184: well Lauren, Kaitlin, cailtin, sam and I were walking across country and for whatever reason we were walking across ohio...Leacy110184: it was soo weird, like it was all country like and had all these feilds with these wavy strips of pink and yellow sand and the road was a dirt one...Leacy110184: Leacy110184: so we find this kinda odd looking house, and a bunch of people live in it, kinda like a tenement only more old than ghetto...Leacy110184: and we're walking around in the house and looking at stuff and then we go into one family's apartment and we start taking things (because for some reason we needed clothing or stuff or whatever) and so we take this plant and cailtin hands it to me as the woman walks in and she's like what r u girls doing in here and all this shit and i am hiding the plant behind my back..Leacy110184: Leacy110184: and so to get out of there and start to pretend to have athsema and i get out of there with sam and we find this huge rack of clothing and all these cool old stuff and so we call to kaitlin caitlin and lauren but they r too busy flirting with the woman;s hot son to focus on what we're uspposed to be doingLeacy110184: and thats all i rememberkubs232: that is oddLeacy110184: yeah tell me about it.Leacy110184: and the weird thing is, i havnt had a single dream since that one i had a while back that i told u about me making out with lucas..which was even weirder than thatLeacy110184: but the weired thing is, that stephanie a few nights back or a wek or something, had a dream about me living in ohio (and like me being mad at her or something) but its all just really weirdLeacy110184: all right well, i've gotta go kid so good nightkubs232: night

oh lord

seems he has made a little adjustment... Im finishing typing my friendship paper...then im going to bed..."its amazing what a week can change...I can think back a week and so different is it now...just for the worse never better"...leave a message...thanks

he can never complain about me writing publicly about him again!!

okay this is what his (dave's) away message says: Im typing my friendship paper..."its amazing what a week can change...I can think back a week and so different is it now...just for the worse"...leave a message...thanks okay obviosuly the stuff in the quotation marks are from his paper...and soooo about me okay, I really think they are..raise your hand if you agree! *raises hand*

BYE BYE BIRDIE!!!

Bye bye BirdieI'm gonna miss ya sobye bye Birdiewhy'd you have to go?no more sunshineit's followed you awayI'll cry Birdietill you're here to stayI'll miss the way your smilewas always just for meand each and every night I'll write you faithfullybye bye Birdieit's awful hard to barebye bye Birdieguess I'll always care (3x)okay no I didn't get the part of Kim but i did get the part of her teeny bopper best friend Ursuala!!! woo hoo! thats awesome! i am sooo psyched for this thing! the director told me that i did a very impressive and excelent job at call backs and that up until i read for the part that he had everything all set out but I changed that completley! that's awesome! I think I am falling madly in love with my first love again, haha no not Rob, but acting! I have always loved being in the center of attention and I am I'll admit it, a bit of a drama queen, but it makes things so much more...alive!!! [b]WARNING WARNING: Boy gripe ahead!!! [/b] Okay *sigh* what else? okay well dave who claims he wants to still me friends (and lets not forget the whole, *maybe more* happening) but yet he presists to ignore me and act all way unattentive when we talk. maybe Benji was right, maybe he only wants ass without attatchment...but like 12 hours is a hell of a long way to drive for just ass...i dunno boys are weird. and another thing, Dave has to grow up and learn how to deal with problems instead of just pushing them aside. I think a prime example is the name of his band. It was upstream until a little while ago, and it was that for like 2 years. so anyway, recently they change it to Blumpkin (it's really gross! if u wanna know what that means then leave comments in my journal and i will tell you :) ) so now they decided that they wanted to have a concert and their fans can help choose it. fair enough, interesting idea, shows completle lack of creativity but interesting all the same, M2M did that you know. but anyways to the point. well this new name change just so happens to change just as they find out they didn't make it into this big fest, which would be a huge gig. and dave told me that they could be so much better as blumpkin...well whatever, listen, that's so dumb. He's like that with everything, when something starts getting too hard or something bad happens he wont work through it but he'll give up and start all over again, and move on to something else. But he dosn't get it, that's Dave's tragic flaw. Things go bad with the band so he changes the name, things start getting bumpy with me so he finds a new girlfriend, he has a bad day he dosn;t wnat to talk about it, anything bad from the past it's forgotten. This is not how you deal with life, you don't look to other people to make you feel better, to make you happy. It just wont work that way. When shit happens you deal with and learn from it, you work through it and you'll be that much stronger and wiser because of it. You cannot look to fresh starts and people other than you to make yourself feel good, or uncomplicated, or unannoyed, the way you feel is up to you, other people don;t have a porogative to make you feel a certain way, to be a certain way. So fine if he wants to keep on this way, it will hurt those in his path but only temorarily, this can hurt him for life. This great fear of confrontation and faliure. He's been lucky so far, he's had the luxury of running away, but oneday he wont have that option, he'll have to face it, he'll have to deal with it, and on that day I will feel so sorry for him, because that will be the day that he'll crack. No no it was never my fault and it will never be anyone elses most likely, but it will be his, honestly his. It cannot be denied. So please, anyone who's reading this, take the insight of a 17 year old girl and don't be an ass, shit happens deal with it. Words some people should live by Don't think because I understand I care Don't think 'cause we're talking, we're friends

yea a good entry!!!

it's been a while since I've had something great to say but i think today is gonna be that day....okay well on wed. I had try-outs for the spring musical 'bye bye birdie'. for that what you do is you go and sing a song infront of a bunch of people. so I go up there and I sing, i was soo nervous i was shaking!!! and i screwed up the words, but it ended up okay because they asked me right then to come back tomorow (today) for call backs (that means reading parts). so i go there and I only got to read twice, but when he was asking people to leave and asking people to stay he asked me to stay, so i was real happy. I read a small part for this girl named Alice and this other Part between Kim and Ursala. I really want the part of ursala, I think I did a pretty good job, a better job than the other girl who also read for it. And everyone was laughing at the stuff that was supposed to be funny (in the seen I am supposed to be acting kinda like a teenybopper, it was great) and then when i sat back down the kids sitting in my section told me I did a really good job! woo hoo! go me! the only shitty thing that happened to me was slipping on ice in school and fully busting my ass, my knee hurts still. I could stay anylonger at call backs b/c i had big brothers big sister's, which sucked, but it was so cute my little was so happy to see me she kept hugging me, she's so adorable. wow i hope things stay good! eepp nervous mucho, we find out by the end of the day who got what part! I sooo hope i got a good part! I wonder who gets to be kim?

okay I think I should be on daweson;s creek!

I think I should just start a drama on the WB called white kids with problems....Leacy110184: has holly talked to u at all?kubs232: nopekubs232: whyLeacy110184: b/c she was asking about her show that u were gonna get a whole back and i told her that we werent exactly on great terms right now and so she said she was gonna im u about itLeacy110184: so just giving u a heads upkubs232: alrightkubs232: one of your friends talked to me the other dayLeacy110184: which one?kubs232: joeykubs232: that was enjoyableLeacy110184: joey is a good kid, he means wellLeacy110184: what did he say to you?kubs232: i dont know he was yelling at mekubs232: i wasn't paying too much attentionLeacy110184: lol he was yelling at you?Leacy110184: joey isn't much of a yellerkubs232: yeakubs232: he was rather annoyingLeacy110184: sorry about that. he hasnt even said anything to me about itLeacy110184: oh man i just signed up for what looks like the sweetest mpegkubs232: coolLeacy110184: so, we still friends?kubs232: sureLeacy110184: like ya know normal friends like in th ebeginingLeacy110184: before ht elove stuffLeacy110184: so, i'm annoying and boring?kubs232: what?Leacy110184: i dont know joey is online and this is what he told meLeacy110184: he said u were like bashing mekubs232: thats cause he was pissing the hell out of meLeacy110184: so u said mean things about meLeacy110184: did u mean them?Leacy110184: oops sorry for italicskubs232: yea i did say some mean stuffkubs232: i don[t mean it Leacy110184: thats good, b/c i would have felt pretty bad if u did...like we've been friends for a whileLeacy110184: talking to each other like every single day almost for hours for over 6 months...i mean, i'm impressedkubs232: yeaLeacy110184: what are we supposed to do now?kubs232: i don;t knowLeacy110184: like do we hang oout in person one day as friends or like..nothing?kubs232: we can hang out as friendsLeacy110184: thats goodkubs232: maybe more kubs232: we will seeLeacy110184: yes we'll see how things go from therekubs232: yeaLeacy110184: anyways i have to bring my sister's stereo upstairs so i am gone for the nightLeacy110184: good night

Is it college yet?

oh my God ughhh!!! my dad is sooo fucking annoying...my mom too..I need to get out of this house, like for real not just going to someone's house. I swear my mother it seems is always holding up a mirror that only reflects the bad parts about me. She always is critisizing me for the same faults she posseses as well. I can't take it. Wake me up when it's college.

I...

It's over.

oh quic...

oh quick update for you steph and anyone else who reads, well yes there is another girl in dave's life. he says they r not dating but whatever he talks to her on the phone all the time, he never ims me unless i im him, and when i asked him if he liked me he said, "i like you as a friend yes" then i asked him if he had a crush on me he goes "i dont know...and you asking every 5 seconds isnt helping anything" so like..ugh i am bawling again lord.

oh quic...

oh quick update for you steph and anyone else who reads, well yes there is another girl in dave's life. he says they r not dating but whatever he talks to her on the phone all the time, he never ims me unless i im him, and when i asked him if he liked me he said, "i like you as a friend yes" then i asked him if he had a crush on me he goes "i dont know...and you asking every 5 seconds isnt helping anything" so like..ugh i am bawling again lord.

never fall for a musician

I have delt with more than my share of musicians and I can tell you a few things, you have to be one strong girl to become even remotley emotionaly involved with one, they'd rather open up to their music than to another human-being (most times), and they are fickle, very very fickle, their emotions for you can change in a heart beat. But yet some how, underneath it all, sometimes, most times, you find to an affect that it is worth it, yes the tears and the sorrow and all the drama that comes along with it can be very worth it when they do open up to you. Or sometimes you just get assholes who brush off your most personal feelings and anguish with an 'Oh well' or a 'whatever'. falling for a musician is a sure fire way to get hurt, I've been avised against it many times...and yet, it is all I seem to do. So I've finished crying. Well for now at least. I think it was the big one too, you know the one where you realize just how real it is, that he doesn't love you anymore, or doesn;t know rather if he still loves you, or even likes you. I am too afraid to tell him what I know, that if you don't know if you love someone then you don't love them. I guess I am hoping he can make himself believe that he loves himself that way I can make myself believe he loves me too. He has replaced (but not officialy as far as I know) with a blonde. A fucking blonde! some tall good looking tanned blonde. I wasn't aware seventeen year old boys were permited to play with barbie. It's so difficult because i have all these feelings inside of me of hurt and i just want answers and yet don't want answers. I want the answers that would make me happy is what I mean. But I still have to appear like I am okay, I can't annoy him or bother him, she already has the upper hand in this fight, even though I am dying on the inside I still have to fight for him by pretending not to be difficult.and I don;t understand how only weeks ago he was professing his undying love for me and yet here it is, he has brought it to me and lain it at my feet, bleeding and crying, a deep cut he has brushed off as a flesh wound. "it doesn't help any with you asking about it every five seconds" he snaps at me. well what am i supposed to do?lord I cannot write anymore but Pray.

7th heaven???

My family is 7th heaven on LSDs. It really is as simple as that. Christmas was pretty good. I got lots of stuff that I actually liked. My mom pretty much stuck to the list this year which i must say pleases me greatly. I even got not one but TWO howie Day autographs. But anyways...siblings...ahh what can you say about them? Mine drive me crazy. After 6 years of it just being Dana and I while the three older ones are away in college you can get a little spoiled...ahh to be contiued

7th heaven???

My family is 7th heaven on LSDs. It really is as simple as that. Christmas was pretty good. I got lots of stuff that I actually liked. My mom pretty much stuck to the list this year which i must say pleases me greatly. I even got not one but TWO howie Day autographs. But anyways...siblings...ahh what can you say about them? Mine drive me crazy. After 6 years of it just being Dana and I while the three older ones are away in college you can get a little spoiled...ahh to be contiued

*super sigh*

*sigh* I'm in school right now. Really boaring. I hate this keyboard it's wayyyy to clicky...and the screen just like started flicking yellow. I doubt that's good. There is goes again. God my school is ghetto. Well Tami is fully pissing me off right now. She has the nerve to ask for an 85 dollar christmas present, which with Gina sam and i splitting is 30 or so bucks each. And then all she, split between her and gina, will be spening on me is like 15 bucks. That really really pisses me off. Some people can be so damned selfish and only think of themselves. I mean She's one of my best friends but I mean come on. And ever since she's gone to college she thinks shes so special. She tries way to hard to be all "cultured" and what not. She always has to rent serious movies with deeply envolved plots. I mean not that I have a problem with movies like that, actually I enjoy them, but I do still open myself up to other types of movies, like action, scarey, and just plain stupid funny. On top of it all she thinks shes a city person now. She actually constituted paying 400 dollars for a pair of average velor pants that you could get at express or gap for like 50. Such bullshit. She dose things purly because thats what "cultured" people do, thats what the city people do. well I would not under any circumstances want to associate myself as being one of them. They are all hallow and plastic, they are barbie and ken dolls. Everything is so fake you can smell the plastic. I would hate for her to get even more intagled in it as it has been now. She's a wonderful individual I would hate for her to die a copy. whatever it's all shit.Today after school I am going shopping. I gotta pick up Jen's gift and a gift for my little. I will run up to kay-bee toys and find something good for her. I just worry that kristi will be on shift. I havn;t seen her in a while, and she's going through some rough shit, shes totaly changed as a person. And shes pregenant. I don't even know if she knows that i know, or how to react about it when she tells me. Of course I will be completley supportive. anything that might bring the old kristi back. She's fucked up pretty badly. I think having this baby might bring things back into perspective for her, maybe she'll move back home instead of with that ass Chris. I hope she dose, alot. There are times when i wish i had things that I don't and when I envy the asspects of other people's lives, but I am telling you, honestly, being secure with who you are and not loosing your head about things...well that's priceless.

I want you to want me....

I'm listening to I want you to want me, Letters to Cleo's version not Cheap Tricks original. Though I must say that Hanson's live version of I want you to want me is just my favorite. 10 things about you is one of my faveorite movies. One of my favorite songs in one of my favorite movies? Shit Yeah!!!Anyway, Loving someone and being loved has got to be the best feeling in the world, especialy when the person who loves you is the person you love. In which case, lucky for me it is. I received an adorable little note from Dave, I must say it has just totaly brightened my whole day. I'm fully giddy. I'm in the mood to sing damn it! Which is a good thing because lucky for me I am in Jazz choir. The only shitty thing about that is that I have it for one period every other day. And it takes me about 45 minutes (aka one period) to start really really feeling it. and by that time i gotta go off to psyche. well I am contemplating a shower so i had probably better go do that.-World PEACE OUT-

*signess*

Quote of the day:"...yeah but you've got some hot teeth." -KaitlinWow, well my spanish class has officialy unofficialy turned into sex ed today. The kids proclaimed it so and since we have more power over the class than the actual teacher it must be true. All that is ever talked about is the boys making extremely perverted yet funny as hell sexual comments. Oh and academic support was real good today too, Emily wrote on a piece of paper that I suck and Ryan dose also but if you read it verticaly instead of horizonatly it says I suck ryan also. Yeah we had alot of fun with that one.I swear Dave is the greatest guy ever, I mean he was telling me about how his band was thinking about getting a piano player permenently and how the person they wanted was this girl whos apparently really hot. well I was bothered with it and after some probing he got it out of me that I was, and so he's like well if it bothers you then she dosnt have to be in it, we'll find someone else. Isn;t that like the sweetest thing ever? Of course thats what I would prefer, but I love this kid to death so I just want him to be happy, and if having the band be the best it can be will make him happy, and if that girl is the best one for the part then so be it, as long as he's happy with it. okay whoever the fuck wrote that to brit about the whole Tim White thing.. Uhhh what were you thinking? You dumb ass. anyways, thats all for now so OUTTIE (bellybuttons are real weird!)

The begining...

and that's why i'm wondering whyyou had to tell mewhat's going on in your headwhat's wrongcome around to another time whenyou won't have to run I am really into that song right now, or rather it's stuck in my head. Howie Day is the man though. He's a great musician not to mention a real cutie.and ya know what? Parents piss me off. Especialy [i]my[i/] parents. They keep asking me to do stuff for them on the computer because they are too fucking retarded to figure it out on their own..God!!! and computers piss me off too, or at least mine dose, it hates me and likes to fuck with me. Damn it. and it's a sunday so this means I have school tomorrow damn it!! UGHHH!! can you feel the rage?