Is it college yet?

oh my God ughhh!!! my dad is sooo fucking annoying...my mom too..I need to get out of this house, like for real not just going to someone's house. I swear my mother it seems is always holding up a mirror that only reflects the bad parts about me. She always is critisizing me for the same faults she posseses as well. I can't take it. Wake me up when it's college.

I...

It's over.

oh quic...

oh quick update for you steph and anyone else who reads, well yes there is another girl in dave's life. he says they r not dating but whatever he talks to her on the phone all the time, he never ims me unless i im him, and when i asked him if he liked me he said, "i like you as a friend yes" then i asked him if he had a crush on me he goes "i dont know...and you asking every 5 seconds isnt helping anything" so like..ugh i am bawling again lord.

oh quic...

oh quick update for you steph and anyone else who reads, well yes there is another girl in dave's life. he says they r not dating but whatever he talks to her on the phone all the time, he never ims me unless i im him, and when i asked him if he liked me he said, "i like you as a friend yes" then i asked him if he had a crush on me he goes "i dont know...and you asking every 5 seconds isnt helping anything" so like..ugh i am bawling again lord.

never fall for a musician

I have delt with more than my share of musicians and I can tell you a few things, you have to be one strong girl to become even remotley emotionaly involved with one, they'd rather open up to their music than to another human-being (most times), and they are fickle, very very fickle, their emotions for you can change in a heart beat. But yet some how, underneath it all, sometimes, most times, you find to an affect that it is worth it, yes the tears and the sorrow and all the drama that comes along with it can be very worth it when they do open up to you. Or sometimes you just get assholes who brush off your most personal feelings and anguish with an 'Oh well' or a 'whatever'. falling for a musician is a sure fire way to get hurt, I've been avised against it many times...and yet, it is all I seem to do. So I've finished crying. Well for now at least. I think it was the big one too, you know the one where you realize just how real it is, that he doesn't love you anymore, or doesn;t know rather if he still loves you, or even likes you. I am too afraid to tell him what I know, that if you don't know if you love someone then you don't love them. I guess I am hoping he can make himself believe that he loves himself that way I can make myself believe he loves me too. He has replaced (but not officialy as far as I know) with a blonde. A fucking blonde! some tall good looking tanned blonde. I wasn't aware seventeen year old boys were permited to play with barbie. It's so difficult because i have all these feelings inside of me of hurt and i just want answers and yet don't want answers. I want the answers that would make me happy is what I mean. But I still have to appear like I am okay, I can't annoy him or bother him, she already has the upper hand in this fight, even though I am dying on the inside I still have to fight for him by pretending not to be difficult.and I don;t understand how only weeks ago he was professing his undying love for me and yet here it is, he has brought it to me and lain it at my feet, bleeding and crying, a deep cut he has brushed off as a flesh wound. "it doesn't help any with you asking about it every five seconds" he snaps at me. well what am i supposed to do?lord I cannot write anymore but Pray.

7th heaven???

My family is 7th heaven on LSDs. It really is as simple as that. Christmas was pretty good. I got lots of stuff that I actually liked. My mom pretty much stuck to the list this year which i must say pleases me greatly. I even got not one but TWO howie Day autographs. But anyways...siblings...ahh what can you say about them? Mine drive me crazy. After 6 years of it just being Dana and I while the three older ones are away in college you can get a little spoiled...ahh to be contiued

7th heaven???

My family is 7th heaven on LSDs. It really is as simple as that. Christmas was pretty good. I got lots of stuff that I actually liked. My mom pretty much stuck to the list this year which i must say pleases me greatly. I even got not one but TWO howie Day autographs. But anyways...siblings...ahh what can you say about them? Mine drive me crazy. After 6 years of it just being Dana and I while the three older ones are away in college you can get a little spoiled...ahh to be contiued

*super sigh*

*sigh* I'm in school right now. Really boaring. I hate this keyboard it's wayyyy to clicky...and the screen just like started flicking yellow. I doubt that's good. There is goes again. God my school is ghetto. Well Tami is fully pissing me off right now. She has the nerve to ask for an 85 dollar christmas present, which with Gina sam and i splitting is 30 or so bucks each. And then all she, split between her and gina, will be spening on me is like 15 bucks. That really really pisses me off. Some people can be so damned selfish and only think of themselves. I mean She's one of my best friends but I mean come on. And ever since she's gone to college she thinks shes so special. She tries way to hard to be all "cultured" and what not. She always has to rent serious movies with deeply envolved plots. I mean not that I have a problem with movies like that, actually I enjoy them, but I do still open myself up to other types of movies, like action, scarey, and just plain stupid funny. On top of it all she thinks shes a city person now. She actually constituted paying 400 dollars for a pair of average velor pants that you could get at express or gap for like 50. Such bullshit. She dose things purly because thats what "cultured" people do, thats what the city people do. well I would not under any circumstances want to associate myself as being one of them. They are all hallow and plastic, they are barbie and ken dolls. Everything is so fake you can smell the plastic. I would hate for her to get even more intagled in it as it has been now. She's a wonderful individual I would hate for her to die a copy. whatever it's all shit.Today after school I am going shopping. I gotta pick up Jen's gift and a gift for my little. I will run up to kay-bee toys and find something good for her. I just worry that kristi will be on shift. I havn;t seen her in a while, and she's going through some rough shit, shes totaly changed as a person. And shes pregenant. I don't even know if she knows that i know, or how to react about it when she tells me. Of course I will be completley supportive. anything that might bring the old kristi back. She's fucked up pretty badly. I think having this baby might bring things back into perspective for her, maybe she'll move back home instead of with that ass Chris. I hope she dose, alot. There are times when i wish i had things that I don't and when I envy the asspects of other people's lives, but I am telling you, honestly, being secure with who you are and not loosing your head about things...well that's priceless.

I want you to want me....

I'm listening to I want you to want me, Letters to Cleo's version not Cheap Tricks original. Though I must say that Hanson's live version of I want you to want me is just my favorite. 10 things about you is one of my faveorite movies. One of my favorite songs in one of my favorite movies? Shit Yeah!!!Anyway, Loving someone and being loved has got to be the best feeling in the world, especialy when the person who loves you is the person you love. In which case, lucky for me it is. I received an adorable little note from Dave, I must say it has just totaly brightened my whole day. I'm fully giddy. I'm in the mood to sing damn it! Which is a good thing because lucky for me I am in Jazz choir. The only shitty thing about that is that I have it for one period every other day. And it takes me about 45 minutes (aka one period) to start really really feeling it. and by that time i gotta go off to psyche. well I am contemplating a shower so i had probably better go do that.-World PEACE OUT-

*signess*

Quote of the day:"...yeah but you've got some hot teeth." -KaitlinWow, well my spanish class has officialy unofficialy turned into sex ed today. The kids proclaimed it so and since we have more power over the class than the actual teacher it must be true. All that is ever talked about is the boys making extremely perverted yet funny as hell sexual comments. Oh and academic support was real good today too, Emily wrote on a piece of paper that I suck and Ryan dose also but if you read it verticaly instead of horizonatly it says I suck ryan also. Yeah we had alot of fun with that one.I swear Dave is the greatest guy ever, I mean he was telling me about how his band was thinking about getting a piano player permenently and how the person they wanted was this girl whos apparently really hot. well I was bothered with it and after some probing he got it out of me that I was, and so he's like well if it bothers you then she dosnt have to be in it, we'll find someone else. Isn;t that like the sweetest thing ever? Of course thats what I would prefer, but I love this kid to death so I just want him to be happy, and if having the band be the best it can be will make him happy, and if that girl is the best one for the part then so be it, as long as he's happy with it. okay whoever the fuck wrote that to brit about the whole Tim White thing.. Uhhh what were you thinking? You dumb ass. anyways, thats all for now so OUTTIE (bellybuttons are real weird!)